104 Funny & Cute Dog Quotes And Sayings (#14 Is 🤣)

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We all know a dog with a hilarious personality that we love and adore. Dogs come in all shapes, sizes and uniqueness.

However, all dogs share some common traits that we humans admire. That’s why dog quotes and dog sayings are so popular.

They resonate with all dog owners and dog lovers. So we compiled a list of the best dog quotes and sayings we could find online.

In this article you will find the 104 dog quotes and dog sayings that will make you feel the love or laugh your pants off.

104 Funny & Cute Dog Quotes And Sayings (#14 Is 🤣)

80 Dog Quotes Only Dog Lovers Understand (#13 is hilarious)

“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”

John Peer

“Happiness is a warm puppy.”

Charles M. Schulz

“My little dog – a heartbeat at my feet.”

Edith Wharton

“Nobody can fully understand the meaning of love unless he’s owned a dog.”

Gene Hill

“The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.”

Samuel Butler

“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”

Charles Yu

“Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window.”

Steve Bluestone

“The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man’s.”

Mark Twain

“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job!”

George Carlin

“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like, never washed a dog.”

Franklin P. Jones

“In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely try to train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog.”

Edward Hoagland

“Whoever said diamonds were a girl’s best friend, never owned a dog.”

Unknown Author

“Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!”

Anne Tyler

“Everyone thinks they have the best dog. And none of them are wrong.”

Isabel Abdai

“No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does.”

Christopher Morley

“A dog can snap you out of any kind of bad mood that you’re in faster than you can think of.”

Jill Abramson

“I once decided not to date a guy because he wasn’t excited to meet my dog. I mean, this was like not wanting to meet my mother.”

Bonnie Schacter

“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.”

Phil Pastoret

“You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.”

Unknown Author

“Everything I know I learned from dogs.”

Nora Roberts

“I don’t think twice about picking up my dog’s poop, but if another dog’s poop is next to it, I think, ‘Eww, dog poop!”

Jonah Goldberg

“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”

Nora Ephron

“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.”

Groucho Marx

“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”

Winston Pendelton

“I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.”

Unknown Author

“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”

Sue Murphy

“A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.”

Josh Billings

“No matter how little money and how few possessions you own, having a dog makes you rich.”

Louis Sabin

“A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than his owner can express with his tongue in hours.”

Unknown Author

“Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.”

Roger Caras

“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”

Jean Ferris

“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well – almost.”

Charlotte Gray

“Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.”

Unknown Author

“If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise.”

Unknown Author

“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: The mail man is not to be trusted.”

Sian Ford

“Dogs are our link to paradise.”

Milan Kundera

“A dog is the only thing that can mend a crack in your broken heart.”

Judy Desmond

“A well trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”

Helen Thomson

“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.”

Bernard Williams

“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”

Andy Rooney

“Even the tiniest Poodle or Chihuahua is still a wolf at heart.”

Dorothy Hinshaw

“The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.”

Unknown Author

“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”

John Grogan

“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”

Roger Caras

“The world would be a nicer place if everyone had the ability to love as unconditionally as a dog.”

M.K Clinton

“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”

John Grogan

“To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.”

Aldous Huxley

“My fashion philosophy is, if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”

Elayne Boosler

“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”

Charles De Gaulle

“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”

Corey Ford

“Handle every situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.”

Unknown Author

“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.”

Rita Rudner

“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”

Ambrose Bierce

“Dogs never bite me. Just humans.”

Marilyn Monroe

“In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.”

Derek Bruce

“When an 85 pound mammal licks your tears away, and then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”

Kristan Higgins

“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”

Ann Landers

“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”

Orlando Aloysius Battista

“My cats inspire me daily. They inspire me to get a dog!”

Greg Curtis

“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.”

Ben Williams

“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’ ”

Dave Barry

“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that dogs think humans are nuts.”

John Steinbeck

“There is no faith which has never yet been broken, except that of a truly faithful dog.”

Isabel Abdai

“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”

Charles Yu

“It all started when my dog began getting free rollover minutes.”

Jay London

“My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.”

Joe Weinstein

“Dogs do speak, but only to those who know how to listen.”

Orhan Pamuk

“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”

Max Eastman

“A dog will teach you unconditional love. If you can have that in your life, things won’t be too bad.”

Robert Wagner

“If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience.”

Woodrom Wilson

“Reason number 106 why dogs are smarter than humans: once you leave the litter, you sever contact with your mothers.”

Jodi Picoult

“If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few people.”

James Thurber

“A boy can learn a lot from a dog — obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.”

Robert Benchley

“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”

Rodney Dangerfield

“If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.”

Fran Lebowitz

“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.”

Robert Benchley

“You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.”

Harry Truman

“Did you know that there are over 300 words for love in canine?”

Gabriel Zevin

“If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?”

Unknown Author

“If you’re uncomfortable around my dog, I’m happy to lock you in the other room when you come over.”

Unknown Author

24 Funny Dog Sayings That Are Extremely Accurate

“No home decor is complete without dog hair.”

“The best therapist has fur and four legs.”

“Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about puppies.”

“Without my dog my wallet would be full, my house would be clean, but my heart would be empty.”

“Nothing in the world is friendlier than a wet dog.”

“I work hard so my dog can have a better life.”

“If you want the best seat in the house, you’ll have to move the dog.”

“Every snack you make, every meal you bake, every bite you take…I’ll be watching you.”

“This home is filled with love and dog hair.”

“Beware! Dog can’t hold its licker.”

“Dogs are like potato chips. You can’t have just one.”

“Life without a dog is like an unsharpened pencil. It has no point.”

“Less people, more dogs.”

“If you’re uncomfortable around my dog, I’m happy to lock you in the other room when you come over.”

“The only person who understands me is my dog.”

“I don’t care who dies in the movie, as long as the dog lives.”

“I am one dog short of crazy.”

“If our dog doesn’t like you, we probably won’t either.”

“It’s OK if you don’t like my dog, not everyone has good taste.”

“Choosing a dog may be the only chance you get to pick a relative.”

“Dogs over dudes.”

“When I die my dog gets everything.”

“Leave me alone – I’m only speaking to dogs today.”

“The more people I meet, the more I love my dog.”